The Christmas Tavistock Badger

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Since first bringing 'The Tavistock Badger' to the public's notice I have recieved many emails on the subject, some say it is but a figment of imagination and others claiming to have actually seen the creature performing its dastardly deeds. Personally I have never actually caught the little sod in the act so to speak but have certainly felt the after effects of its visit. For those who have not heard about 'The Tavistock Badger' they might like to read the background story of this denizen of the dark - HERE.

I have spent the last year delving and poking around many avenues in order to find out whether or not 'The Tavistock Badger' is merely a myth or if this elusive creature actually exists. Some sceptics have said that the idea of such a beast is purely a modern-day excuse to explain human weakness and over indulgence of alcohol - in other words - people get drunk, develop a hangover and use 'The Tavistock Badger' as an excuse thus leaving them blameless. Well, for those doubting Thomas' I have found both irrefutable documentary and photographic proof that 'The Tavistock Badger' does not dwell in the realms of fantasy but in fact truly exists and is not a modern 'urban myth'.

Back in September I was embarking on some research at the Devon Records Office when I came across a sheaf of old documents. In this bundle I found an old faded piece of parchment which can be seen below:

It was written by one Thomas Greye in 1543 and describes what can undoubtedly be a description of a visit from 'The Tavistock Badger'. In fact this is the earliest documentary appearance of the name 'The Tavistock Badger'. The lettering has faded badly but below is a transcript of the parchments contents:

Haveing speynt a goodly niyte in the tavern i retyred
to my chyamber. Next morne I awoke with a myte head ache,
the most foul tayste in mine mouth and findeth my purse empteed
Myne host sayth this deed be the worke of a beayst nameth
Ye Tavystocke Badger, a beayst frome beyond the realms
of godly earthe. He doth enter the chaymber of sleeyping
mortals, doth crappe in theyre mowth then beayteth them savigly
around the hed and steayle ther coine

The second piece of evidence I found on Ebay whilst browsing through the section of Victorian Christmas cards, I spotted one showing Father Christmas on his sleigh and noticed that on his lap was sat a badger. Now on Dartmoor everyone knows that just like Santa, Christmas Eve is 'The Tavistock Badger's' busiest night because he knows only too well many folk will be soundly asleep for various reasons. What nobody had figured out was how the mince pies and sherry got drunk, where the presents came from and why the next morning they had a throbbing headache, a nasty fetid taste in their mouth and an empty wallet/purse.

Well, thanks to this priceless discovery on Ebay it's clear that the Victorians knew why - Santa and 'The Tavistock Badger' travel in tandem. Whilst Santa is busy supping the sherry and scoffing the mince pies 'The Tavistock Badger' is about its work crapping, thumping and stealing.

As one may gather from the contents of this website, I have a great interest in myths and legends along with archaeology, in fact it was the latter that first drew my attention to 'The Tavistock Badger'. So it should come as no surprise that I wanted to get to the bottom of this particular aspect of Dartmoor's heritage. Therefore over the past twelve months I have engaged in a great deal of in-depth research which on some occasions has come at great personal sacrifice to myself. I am not seeking reward but this work has cost me three on-the-spot fines for being drunk and disorderly, having to sign onto the liver transplant register and a huge overdraft. However as you will now see it has all been worthwhile. Having spoken to hundreds of people who have awoke of a morning to find at best a nasty taste in their mouths, a stonking headache and all their money missing. In some cases there were cases of vomiting, severe looseness of the bowel and trembling hands all for no apparent reason. However, there was a common denominator, everyone had been out on a jolly the previous night and this led me to my first conclusion - it's the smell of alcohol that attracts 'The Tavistock Badger' and it is he that is the cause of the hideous symptoms the following day. As to why it feels the need to carry out such dastardly acts is yet unknown but having spoken to so many people I am positive that the effects of what some people mistakenly call a 'hangover' is nothing to do with an overindulgence of alcohol.

Having established a solid theory I then needed to prove it and that involved many nights of consuming copious amounts of alcohol, usually a mixture of Guinness, red wine and malt whisky. Although and arduous task this was in order to generate a miasma of alcoholic fumes that would then attract the beast. or in other words act as bait. Then each night before going to sleep I would set both a remote sensing camera and noise activated sound recorder in order to capture irrefutable evidence of the badger's existence. I was initially amazed that on the very first night I managed to capture a sound recording of the creature grunting, snorting and wheezing. Unfortunately it was pointed out that in fact this was the sound of myself sleeping as happens every night. Then about three months later the breakthrough I had been waiting for happened I awoke one morning with the clear evidence that the badger had been at work and then noticed the camera had been triggered. I am certain, although many will disagree that in the top left of the picture is an image of a badger, I do not thinks it's the folds of the sheet, it's a badger - see for yourself:

Therefore the conclusion I have draw are as follows; 'The Tavistock Badger' does exist, it has done from at least the 1500s, it is attracted to the smell of alcohol fumes and is in fact the cause of what many people call 'a hangover'. The badger's visits are more prolific over the Christmas period and both it and Father Christmas travel together on Christmas Eve. What I would love to know is that after drinking what must been gallons of sherry on Christmas Eve does 'The Tavistock Badger' pay Santa Claus a visit as well?

The final fact I have established is that if you want to avoid a visit from the badger do not consume anything that is mildly alcoholic, even wine gums, that way you won't wake up with a sore head, nasty taste  and an empty wallet/purse. Conversely if you do consume any alcohol and recieve a nocturnal visit when looking for non-forthcoming sympathy simply explain that it's not your fault, you have simply been 'BADGERED'.

21/12/2011